f Humanisticus: How About We Force the Religious to Follow Their Own Rules

Thursday, 4 October 2012

How About We Force the Religious to Follow Their Own Rules

I had an interesting thought yesterday. If religious people continue to force the non-religious to obey their doctrines, then in-turn can we non-religious ensure that the religious are obeying their own rules. Effectively, if the religious insist on banning same-sex marriage, deny women abortions, refuse access to contraceptives, insist on creationism being taught, subjugate women, install blasphemy laws etc., then they should be forced to obey their own laws. This would mean that we can actively prevent any religious person from having premarital sex, so next time your religious friend is about to get lucky, slap them in cunt/cock with the bible/Qu'ran and say 'no, if I have to listen to creationist bollocks in a science class because of your religious nonsense then you can't have premarital sex.'

If you have a female subordinate who is up for promotion, then replace that glass ceiling with a bible, and if she raises any form of protest then politely remind her of 1 Timothy 2 12 and duct tape a bible to her face, unless of course she is a Muslim, then you could probably just beat the crap out of her, but be sure you don't hit her in the face. If you are unsure of how to beat your Muslim woman, here is a video tutorial in which seasoned Muslims discuss their well practiced techniques.




The next time a Christian woman is prosecuting a man from raping her, ask her two simple questions, why is sending her future husband to jail? And, if incarcerated, how does she expect him to save up the 50 shekels of silver for the reparations to her family? If she is unaware of the contents of Deuteronomy 22: 28-29 then politely inform her as she may need to prepare for her pending nuptials. 

If you'd like to enslave your Christian friend I have some bad news, you can only enslave him for six years, however, there is a clever little loophole. If you give him a wife during his servitude and they have children, then come the year of his emancipation he will be released but his wife and children are still your property. Therefore if the man would like to stay with his wife and child, he has to take an oath of permanent servitude and he is yours for life. God bless those traditional Christian family values.

Next time you see your Religious friend working on the Sabbath, kill them. For god rested on the seventh day and you shall too, lest you show god for the lazy sod that he is. An omnipotent being needs to rest after 6 days of work? Anyway, due to a combination of god's laziness and his jealousy it is forbidden to work on the sabbath. Because how bad will it look if god needs to rest after a 6 day week but his inferior creations can go on for 7, looks bad right. So god decreed to Moses to kill anyone working on the Sabbath lest god's laziness become too blatant. So lazy in fact he won't do it himself, you must do it. So enjoy killing your Christian friend next time you see them trying to earn wages on the Sabbath. And don't listen to that auld 'I need to work to feed my family and pay bills' excuse, gut the fucker, god said.

Now obviously (at least I hope it is obvious) this post is satirical, but the core message remains the same. It baffles me how many religious people are completely ignorant of the contents of their holy books. It is always said that the surest way to become an atheist is to read the bible/Qu'ran, but most are completely unwilling to do so and are happy to nod along to whatever sanitised version is spewed from the pulpit. So there is a need for people to inform them of the darker side of these texts.You will generally be hit with a reply highlighting the decent morals in scripture, but lets face it, looking for morality in religious texts is like sifting through your excrement for sweetcorn, there will be a piece or two but the rest of it is just shit.

By forcibly reminding religious people of the hideous contents of their respective holy books then maybe they will quickly release that they are not good sources for morality and law. Then maybe they would stop trying to force them upon everyone, especially if they are not willing to obey their own rules themselves.

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4 comments:

  1. That's been the age old problem with the religious moralists, hasn't it? Do as I say, not as I do. Religious people the world over, like all homo sapien sapiens who share a common ancestor with the great apes, have a tendency to think the rules should apply to all else but them.

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  2. Dipshit christians will just say that many of these "rules" are from the OT and therefor do not apply to modern times as apparently JC created a new covenant for humans with God or some such bullshit.

    Maybe in 1K years, as science and education begin to take more of a hold, we'll see some changes. I honestly doubt it though, religious stupidity knows no bounds.

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    1. Alll the anti gay stuff is OT too though, scumbag christians

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